


Gotta Start Somewhere

by Telesilla



Series: We're Flesh and Bone Together and Alone [4]
Category: Baseball RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Coming Out, Gen, Heart-to-Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-20
Updated: 2015-06-20
Packaged: 2018-04-05 06:16:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4169085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Telesilla/pseuds/Telesilla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>"How 'bout I help you out," Brandon says after a long moment. "You're trying to tell me you're gay."</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gotta Start Somewhere

The next morning, Buster heads over to Brandon's place before school. Brandon's waiting for him, like he does almost every weekday morning. They'll run a few miles and then change and shower at school before classes. 

_Same old routine,_ Buster thinks as they start stretching out. _Same old Moose but me? Not so much._ He still can't believe he had sex--sex!--with Tim Lincecum. Part of him thinks it must be a dream; everything around him looks too normal. But no, it wasn't a dream and now...now there's something Buster really needs to do. Needs to say. 

When they reach the one lane road that runs all the way to the back of the school, Buster stops.

"You okay?" Brandon asks. 

"I...um...." Buster leans over and tries to catch his breath. He's got that same weird feeling in his chest that he had yesterday after he told Tim and he can't help wondering if it will ever be easy. "We need to talk."

"Okay," Brandon says. "What's up?"

"I'm...oh fuck, I don't know how to say this." Buster says. "I just...you need to know that I'm...." He trails off again and just stares at the ground. What if he loses his best friend?

"How 'bout I help you out," Brandon says after a long moment. "You're trying to tell me you're gay."

Buster's head snaps up so hard he almost sprains his neck. "You know?"

"Only for about five years or so." Brandon looks more amused than anything.

"Five years...oh fuck." Five years ago, things had gone from abstract to concrete and Buster had spent part of one summer jerking off while thinking about Brandon naked. "Did I...I dunno, stare at you too much?" 

"A little, but it wasn't that. And I didn't really know for sure; it was just this feeling I had and then there were some little things that made me think. So then I started watching you with people. You're so careful around the guys in the locker room. I mean everyone checks each other out, but you don't. You keep your eyes in front. Same way Tim does." He shrugs. "Then last year? When our dish went out and you let me use your computer? You really should do a better job hiding your history."

"Oh, fuck. I had no idea; I'm usually pretty careful." Buster lets out a heavy breath. "I'm sorry. For not telling you."

"I wish you'd trusted me," Brandon says. "But I know why you couldn't."

"Still, I should have."

"Stop beating yourself up." Brandon puts a hand on Buster's shoulder and gives him a little shove. "That's my job."

"I...Tim and I. Um, yesterday...we...." Buster scowls, hating the way he suddenly can't speak in full sentences. "We fooled around a little."

"You? Just like that?" Brandon shakes his head. "That's not like you. I mean, that was fast."

"I guess...Tim says it's because we're guys. That we just want to...to get off."

"Yeah, 'cause only dudes do that." 

"No, I know guys and girls do, but I've never." He looks over at Brandon. "Have you?"

"Yeah. Haylee and I have done some stuff." He gives Buster a worried look. "You guys used rubbers, right?"

"Oh no," Buster says, his face on fire. "We didn't...we didn't do that much."

"Okay. If you need some though let me know."

And honestly this was not the way Buster had expected this conversation to go. "Where do you get them?"

"Wow, Kristen never told you? Haylee buys them when Kristen's on the register and no one's around."

Buster's face goes all hot again. His girlfriend's been selling condoms to Brandon's girlfriend? Brandon and Haylee need condoms?

"Um...."

"Sorry if you'd rather not have that mental image...me 'n' Haylee I mean."

"No I...it's just weird." Buster sighs. "Do you think it's gross? Me and Tim?"

Brandon doesn't answer right away and as nervous as that makes Buster, it's also reassuring in a way. Brandon's not going to give him the quick easy answer; he never has, now that Buster thinks about it.

"Not gross. I mean, I have a dick; I know what they look like, so that's not a problem. I don't get it though; dudes are just dudes to me. Do you think girls are gross?"

"No, not exactly. I've seen naked girls, like in pictures and so on, and I don't think they're ugly or anything. But they really don't do it for me. I mean, I think the guys in the regular Sports Illustrated issues are hotter than the swimsuit girls."

They stand there in silence for a while.

"You thought I was going to freak out, didn't you?" Brandon finally asks.

"Freak out was the least of it."

"I did a little. Last year when I was finally sure." Brandon rubs the back of his neck. "I talked to Meemaw."

If anyone else's grandma knew about Buster, he'd be terrified, but Brandon's grandma is different. "What did she say?"

"Flicked my ear and told me I was better than that. She said a real friend would stick by you even other when other people cut you off."

"That's what," Buster swallows hard. "That's what I'm afraid will happen. I know my folks love me, but I'm...they think I'm pretty normal."

"No, they think you're pretty special. Everyone in town does."

"Don't you see?" Buster turns away and stares off into the green hills in the distance. "That makes it worse. What did Tim call me? Buster fucking Posey, boy hero? Only I'm not because I'm queer. I'm a fucking faggot and I kinda let a guy come all over my face last night and...and I liked it. And I don't...I can't...."

Buster turns even further away from Brandon and starts to run because he learned a long time ago that if you run hard enough you'll eventually stop crying so you can breathe. After a moment he hears the soft pound of Brandon's feet behind him. Buster's afraid Brandon will try to stop him or talk to him, but he doesn't. He just runs a little way behind Buster and it's weirdly comforting.

"I'm sorry," Buster pants after about ten minutes. He slows and then stops, head hanging down while he tries to figure out if he's going to barf or not. "I'm just...."

"More freaked out than I am," Brandon says. He reaches out and rests his hand on Buster's shoulder. To Buster's surprise, Brandon tugs a little until it's obvious what he wants. 

They don't hug. Well they do but it's usually on the ball field after something awesome has happened. But now Brandon's hugging him and it's everything Buster needed right now. Brandon doesn't hate him or think he's sick, and he's not afraid of Buster.

"Thanks," Buster says when he finally pulls away. "I...glad you're still my friend." He pauses and shakes his head. "Okay that? Was pretty gay."

"It really was, but...yeah I am. Always will be."

"So," Buster says after a moment. "I'm taking Tim to the prom."

"What?" Brandon stares at him in shock? "You're...why? Oh wait, you think people won't bother him if you're on his side?"

"Yeah."

"Huh...I'm not sure it will work, but maybe. What did Kristen say about it?"

"She was kinda pissed but she understood why I was doing it." A sudden thought occurs. "Will Haylee be mad if you ask Kristen to the prom? Since you can't go otherwise."

"I dunno, I can talk to her about it. But...." Brandon gives him a look. "You need to tell Kristen. About you."

"I don't know if I can right now," Buster says rubbing the back of his neck. "I've been such a dick, leading her on like that."

"You guys aren't engaged are you?"

"I'm a dick but not that much of one. I'll tell her, but...one thing at a time, you know?"

"Yeah." 

They stand there in silence for a while. "I'm gonna tell Coach that I'm not playing on Saturday. Figure I should give him a chance to change his mind about Tim."

"I'll come with you."

"Tim and I were talking about that. I dunno if it's a good idea; you've got another year and if he gets pissed at you...."

"You know something?" Brandon's eyes are a little narrow. "I'm not you and I'm not Tim, but when you guys are gone, it's gonna be my turn. We have a shot at it next year and I'll be the one who takes us there. So stop acting like you're the only guy in this school they'll listen to."

He turns away and runs his hands across his buzz cut. "I get what you're doing with Tim and it makes sense, but I don't need you to protect me too."

"I'm sorry," Buster says quietly. He thinks of what else Tim said last night, how Buster blames everything on Brandon and how earlier, when they were running, he just expected Brandon to be there, a few steps behind him."I'm kind of a dick."

"Yeah, you are." Before Buster can protest, Brandon gives him a small smile. "But I get it; it ain't easy being you."

"Um...it seems stupid to complain." 

"You can't be yourself," Brandon says with a shrug. "It'd be weird if you didn't feel sorry for yourself now and then."

"When'd you get to be so fucking smart, Moose?"

"We can't all be pretty like you." Brandon nudges his shoulder. "C'mon.

_-end-_

**Author's Note:**

> I ran across this in the Scrivner project I have for this AU. There's more of it, but I've since changed my mind about the sequence of events. This scene is still relevant, though, so I thought I'd post it.


End file.
